During Valentine’s Day, many people find a significant other, while many others lose one. Breaking up with someone can be hard, but the following is a list of the top 10 ways to break up with someone.

1. Tell them in person. Take a deep breath, and just tell them.

Being honest is the best way to break up with someone. Just tell them that what is up and be clear. Make sure and tell them what is wrong.

2. “It is you, not me.”

Blame everything on them. Tell them it is their fault that they are going through this. They should have been a better person.  

3. Be honest about why you don’t want to be with them.

Tell them the truth about breaking up. Tell them if they have done something wrong, or if it just was not meant to be.

4. Do not do it in Public.

When breaking up with someone, do not do it in public unless they are capable of murder. Nobody likes to be humiliated in front of all of their friends, or even strangers. Do not do it in a public place where they will not be humiliated.

5. Be quick with it. Do not drag it out for days.

Do not make the break up last for days. Eventually, they will figure out what is happening and disappear. Everything will just go bad if it goes on for a long time.

6. “I need to concentrate on school right now.”

To use this excuse tell your significant other that school is more important than him or her. This could make things worse by telling them something is more important than them, but it is a break-up, so who cares.

7. “I was thinking about our future, and you are not in it.”

To break up with someone using this excuse just say, “I have been thinking about our future, and I do not see you in it.” If doing it in person is too hard, send a picture to them without them in it and say, “Look! I found a picture of our future.” Let them figure out that they are not in it.

8. “I’m in love with your brother.”

This method simply means to tell the person something outrageous.  It can be, “I’m in love with your brother. I am entering Quantico to become an FBI agent, or I am wanted by the CIA.” The more outrageous the break-up excuse, the more likely it will work.

9. Get out of the state, or maybe even the country.

This excuse does not actually require getting out of the state, however, you probably should not see them ever again. Just say, “I have to leave the state for a while, and I do not want a long distance relationship.” If they try to go with you, follow up an excuse with another excuse from this list.

10. Ghost’em. Never talk to them again.

This is by far the easiest way to break up with someone, but it also is the most heartbreaking way. Simply block them on every social media platform and ignore their calls. Make sure to never see them again, or there will be a lot of explaining to do.

Editor’s Note (The following does not reflect the views of The Claw.)

Mr. Barneys Top 10 Ways to Break-Up With Someone

1. Make sure that you have a buddy with a backhoe.
2. Makes certain you have multiple buddies to watch your driveway at night so that you can sleep.
3. Have your passport on hand.
4. Have enough cash and a “bug out” bag on standby at all times.
5. Have a solid escape plan.
6. Do it in a public place, preferably in the presence of law enforcement.
7. Remember that ALL females are nuts and tend toward violence.
8. If you truly fear them, claim that you are diseased and it isn’t fair for them to be saddled with you.
9. Tell them that your spirit animal has led you to this decision.
10. Just ride it out and hope they die young.